This morning I decided to go for a run, rather than studying or doing other things. I ran along one of my usual routes thinking that it would be quiet but it wasn’t. Groups of people walking two to three abreast, or more were blocking different roads so I deviated through fields, turned around or rerouted.
Out of pandemic I would have spent weekends doing things with people so I would have been one of those people doing something with others. In pandemic I do things alone. I have been doing things alone for five years now. One year because I had no car, the second because of a broken arm, and for three years because of the pandemic. Three or four years ago I lost the ability to walk by couples or groups of people without feeling deep sadness, so I found routes that made it possible to avoid people. With the pandemic I had an excuse to do that openly.
The pandemic never ended, so I never reverted to normal behaviour, and now my people avoidance is who I am, what I have become.
If I passed by single women, and single people then I wouldn’t deviate so much. I’d be inclined to say hello. It’s because it is a reminder of my solitude, that I find solitary paths and routes. I like to forget about my isolation, and enjoy my solitude.
I like my daily walks and runs, but Sunday is one of the days where I struggle to find routes with very few people. That’s why I usually walk extra big loops, compared to normal week days.
And Finally
The weather is warmer now. Not warm enough to run without a hat and gloves, but warm enough for snow to have melted, and for the frozen pond/lake I walked on to become a place for birds to rest.
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